getting to know you

I was thinking today about the particular lost art of fanzine interviewing as a way of getting to know a band...without getting to know them at all...

The key to this particular line of questioning is to ask as many vague and unenlightening questions as possible preferably with some kind of comedic effect... This makes answering the questions pretty difficult, especially if you haven't spent many days of your youth pondering what your favourite colour was, or if you ain't sharp enough to come up with some witty answer that flips a glib question such as 'eastenders or coronation street' into a philosophical monologue concerning the meaning of life...

so with that in mind here are my top ten fanzine questions and my answers to them....please join in fellow band mates and website browsers alike....ooh we'll have this place looking like myspace in no time!

NB. Remember, you will know nothing really about me by the end of these questions...don't take me seriously people...i'm not a serious person...

1. What's your favourite colour? BLACK, and yes it is a colour you moron.

2. What's your favourite animal? The Pig in the BBC's TV version of A Hitch Hikers Guide to Galaxy....mmmm, the stuff of nightmares.

3. What's your favourite film? CLING FILM (ha!ha!...get it? you were asking about cinema  but I said that stuff you wrap stuff in!....no, really I'm a freaking genius)

4. What's your favourite book? Ahem, *adopts an accent somewhat like Lloyd Grossman* its, like, a really rare book that, like, no-one has ever read apart from me, so, like, there's no point me telling you what's its called or nothing cos it would, like, totally blow your mind and, like, this totally proves, like, that I am hyper-intelligent and my genius is wasted, like, playing in a, like, band.

5. Eastenders or Coronation Street? That's not even a question is it? But for the sake of argument...NEITHER.

6. Animal, Vegetable or Mineral? What? Are we playing that super-tedious game now? To alleviate the boredom of this interview, I presume.

7. Who's your favourite celebrity? Yes, everyone's got a favourite celebrity haven't they....now let's see is it Kerry Katona or Fern Cotton....I know last week I was definitely all caught up in the life a some dullard who dared to succumb to the crippling culture of thinness only to be lambasted for not going about it in the right way (i.e. silently starving herself to death)...

8. Who's your daddy? *silence*

9. Lady lumps or sugar lumps? *more silence*

10. Shipman or Hindely? *loki have left the building*

So, what would you say in the face of such bizarre questions...or any more questions you want to know the answer to???